ZAGREB

by Dan Winters (posted by his more techy savvy daughter)

       "Communism is one big phone company"-- Lenny Bruce

Okay, maybe four locals

We have befriended three locals, Cristoff (our cab driver) Ivan (our waiter) and Petra (our tour guide). It's good to make new friends even if you have to tip them. This is known as "Trump-ing." We also have learned a lot. Cristoff says Zagreb sports teams suck, you can't turn right on red and the police are assholes. Local knowledge, who needs Rick Steves? Ivan says a Croatian's favorite foods are 1. Meat 2. Potatoes 3. There is no 3. According to him, a Croatian vegan is a guy who only eats animals who only eat vegetation. Kind of missing the point, but a start. Vegetables are after thoughts. Example: We ordered a "hearty vegetable" soup. The only things in it were beef broth and a couple of mushrooms pieces. I don't want to start a controversy, but in Dan World, a mushroom is a fungus. It was succulent. Ivan then recommended the cherries stuffed with ham and warped in bacon. They tasted kind of like a barbecue and jelly sandwich—delicious. We were afraid to order dessert.

 We spent three hours with our guide Petra, a smiling, cute redheaded mother of two. She was a fountain of information. In no particular order:

Old Croats - Her dad and his generation, she claims, suffer from "Yugo-Nostalgia" (her term), apparently yearning for the good old days of communism. There was free health care, social security, an equal distribution of wealth and the police wore those bitchin' totalitarian uniforms. She says they forget that they could not pick their own jobs or travel out of the country. Worse, there were meat shortages!! My uncle used to say the only thing good about the good old days is that they are mostly gone.

Museums - There are ninety museums in Zagreb including the Museum of Torture and the Museum of Broken Relationships. We bagged torture, but did pay 40 Kunas (local currency. 6.77 to the dollar. Try to figure that out on the fly) to enter the MBR primarily because In the window, they had a sign that read, "We sell beer as cold as your ex's heart" and the cashier wore a T-shirt with the words, "All I need is love and a cat." We thought it was going to be comedy. Instead, broken hearted people had gifted items that remind them how miserable they were when their love affairs fell apart. We should have gone to the torture museum.



Carol & Petra prepare to cafe

Cafe Society - Zagreb has about a zillion outdoor cafes. Street after street, park after park, square after square are lined with enchanting cafes. It is very charming. What the locals love to do—and do daily—is sit at a cafe with their friends chatting all afternoon. The key, Petra explained, is learning to make one of those Itty- bitty cups of expresso last for hours. It's a science—no it's an art form. We tried it—the best we could is eleven minutes. We need practice. They teach it to their children. It might be hereditary. They think the American way of barging into Starbucks, buying a Vente Latte to go and racing off to your car alone is crazy. Maybe they are right.

 

We finished off a sweet tour of kick back Zagreb with a pounded steak wrapped around deer pastrami and sour cucumber with a side of smashed potatoes. We declined the bacon garni. All  washed down with  Ozujsko beer and a bottle of Krauthaker Grasevina white wine. I wish we could say we slept well.